Wardrobe and malfunction

Looking ahead to representing my department at the Society for Features Journalists convention, I'm worried about my clothes.
I have presentable work clothes, but I present them to an office that understands and tolerates an unusual range of nonconformity. My office won't overlook everything: If I showed up barefoot or stank (every day), someone would complain.

:)

Thinking about shopping for clothes bothers me almost as much as thinking about hiring a surveyor (which I also need to do).
I am not a shopper. I approach shopping in the same spirit in which I approach wearing makeup or killing cockroaches: All are on some level sinful activities, but survival in a fallen world demands we do them.

Also, sometimes I bike to work, changing into special bike-to-work-day-only clothes that I have stuffed into the filing cabinet. Also, I have fat knees and like to hide them.
Also, most of the time I wear castoffs from the closets of better organized friends.
For these reasons and for other reasons related to eating lunch at my keyboard, my most favorite outfits appear outdated from a distance; up close they look stained and frayed.

Also, I don't like owning many pairs of shoes.

So my first concern as I prepare for this conference will be obtaining an appropriate disguise.
Sunday, in the advertising department's Jobs section, a column by an apparent expert on business attire (apparently a local one) listed basic pieces of apparel for the achievement of office conformity:
• Classic black pump shoes.
No. Pumps are bad for my back. But I do have one pair of swell looking MaryJane style black Hushpuppies. They're flats but new and also plush looking.
• Crisp button-down white shirt.
No. Crisp things wrinkle. I already have a button down white shirt I like very much, but it's made of something that doesn't wrinkle.
• Fine-knit sweater in a bright color.
For Florida in October?
• Camisole or shell in a neutral color.
Don't those things bare the upper arms? Not baring my upper arms at this late date.
• Cardigan in black or white that can be worn over shirts or dresses.
Maybe. People might subconsciously equate me with Mister Rogers. People liked Mister Rogers.

• Fitted, sleeveless dress that can be paired with a suit jacket or cardigan.
If it didn't have sleeves, I'd never take off the jacket so why bother adding a dress?
• Straight-hemmed skirt in a neutral color.
This feels like a good idea. Point me at the skirts that don't hit me at mid-thigh.
• Flat-front black, gray and tan slacks.
This also seems like a useful purchase, but I don't know where to find pants with waists narrow enough and hips wide enough. I have bought such things made of infinite-stretch materials. By midday the waist is wide enough to fit the hips.
• Neutral colored wool coat.
Nobody wears coats before January.